Don't get me wrong, I was as gripped as you were by Episode 2 of "Hard Knocks," which included both the emotional story of Joe Philbin's family tragedy and Chad Johnson's arrest and subsequent release.
But we like our "Hard Knocks" football-heavy with a healthy dollop of mirth, which is exactly what we got in Episode 3. There were plenty of plotlines this week, including a new era at quarterback.
Let's dig in, shall we?
Leadership Council Activate!
Once Karlos Dansby spoke out against Chad Johnson's release last week, you knew that would become the first order of business in Episode 3. Sure enough, there was Joe Philbin, reminding players to come to him, not the media, with concerns.
"Obviously since (Johnson) got here it was a little bit of a media mess," Bush said. "We felt that maybe if we could've stepped in as a group from leadership standpoint, maybe we might have been able to save him."
Philbin proposed a "leadership council" that would eventually meet every week. Everyone seemed pleased. Resolution.
Bob Marley in the house
During a team stretching exercise, one employee who may or may not fall under the organization's recreactional drug-testing umbrella, blasted the 1980 Bob Marley classic, "Three Little Birds" over the PA.
The money quote goes from Long to Matt Moore: "Matt, did you enjoy the music? I knew you'd enjoy it."
Reggie gets his star turn
Bush had a suspiciously low profile on the first two episodes, making me wonder if he was intentionally ducking the "Hard Knocks" crew. Then I remembered he dated Kim Kardashian, rendering that notion ridiculous.
Bush restated his intent to lead the NFL in rushing, and also spoke of becoming a better leader. It's not just lip service, either -- Bush has impressed the coaching staff with his dedicated approach, which includes extra work after practices.
All bow down to 'Big Weirdo'
Move over "Chris Hogan, Always Open, 7/11," we have a new favorite nickname in camp. It belongs to rookie right tackle Jonathan Martin, dubbed "Big Weirdo" for his quiet demeanor and bad buzzcut given to him by the veterans.
"It fits you bro, you know what I'm sayin'?" asks center Mike Pouncey.
I'm not sure he does.
And now for the most disgusting thing you'll ever hear
356-pound offensive lineman John Jerry, wired for sound, his practice reps roughly doubled by a coaching staff testing his mettle, vomits uncontrollably on the field. Yum.
Our favorite part: Two Dolphins staffers trusting two squirts of water will take care of the mess where Jerry yacked in the endzone. Yeah, that should do it, fellas.
The sun is setting on an old lineman
Loved the moment when veteran guard Eric Steinbach, signed off the free-agent pile after a private workout in Episode 1, met privately with Philbin to discuss the possibility of retirement. His body isn't allowing him to perform, and he can't live with what he's putting on tape.
It's an intimate look at an aging player staring down his career mortality. It's clear from the two private talks we see in Episode 3 that Philbin would love Steinbach to stick around. It doesn't appear headed in that direction, however.
Rookie Show 2012
Joe Philbin loves him some 'Seinfeld'
The meticulous Philbin approaches Steve Slaton, and makes it clear he wants the running back to tie his shoelaces during a walkthrough. Philbin then refers to himself as the "Sneaker Nazi," an obvious callback to the "Soup Nazi" of "Seinfeld" fame.
If you recall, Philbin made a reference to George Costanza in Episode 1.
The obvious advice to Dolphins on the bubble? Take your credit card to Best Buy, purchase all nine seasons of the seminal sitcom, and study it like its the playbook. It might save your job.
Pat Devlin = Tony Romo?
You may best know Devlin as the pasty pair of white thighs always just out of frame during peeks into the quarterback meeting room.
In Episode 3, the fourth-string QB gets his moment, in the form of serious praise from tight ends coach -- and former Dallas Cowboy -- Dan Campbell.
"He reminds me of Romo, when Romo was just like him, before he started," Campbell said, prompting offensive coordinator Mike Sherman to let out a, "Woo." "Just his awareness and all that stuff, and some of his niftiness."
The Sad Ballad Of Michael Egnew
Last week, Egnew was obliterated by Sherman during a team meeting. This time he got an earful during a one-sided sideline exchange from Campbell, whose rage built like a volcano releasing a glorious eruption.
"Listen to me, when your teammate catches a ball, when Lamar (Miller) breaks that, go block for him, you understand? Don't loaf on the field walking, watching him run. Go block for him, OK? You drop a ball, fine ... go (FREAKING) BLOCK FOR HIM PLEASE!"
He didn't say "freaking."
Tannehill > Moore
We got to see both players learn their fate in private sitdowns with assistant quarterbacks coach Zac Taylor, before each player met for a 1-on-1 with Philbin.
Moore obviously wasn't thrilled by the decision, but he took it well and said the right things. Philbin -- who's getting good at these awkward sitdowns on his leather furniture -- stressed that Moore is "an important guy on this team to me and everybody."
Philbin's meeting with Tannehill was fairly boilerplate, though he noticed that Tannehill's shoes were untied. Seriously.
And finally, an unfortunate oversight by HBO
On Tuesday morning, the cable network acknowledged it misquoted former Saints special teamer Steve Gleason in transcripts sent out ahead of a "Real Sports" episode. On Tuesday night, they forgot to include Lauren Tannehill in the final cut of Episode 3. This obviously can't happen again, guys. Thanks.