You men out there might think you have nothing in common with Chad
Johnson ... but you'd be incorrect. The Miami Dolphins wide receiver -- like all of us -- must heed to the demands of our womenfolk or face the heat of a thousand suns.
"The couple preferred Evelyn's last name to be a real name and not the fun 'Ochocinco' character we have come to love," the statement read.
("The couple" = Evelyn. Moving on.)
In a phone conversation with ESPN.com, Johnson further explained his motivation to drop the $401 necessary to change his name for the second time in four years.
"I'm refocused and locked in. Time to get back to the old me," he said. "I'm just doing it for the marriage. It has nothing to do with football. Ochocinco is still in me. It's just my middle name."
No explanation necessary, Mr. Johnson. We knew the whole story before you said a word.