Chad Ochocinco married Evelyn Lozada on Wednesday. You weren't invited, but we now bring you the next best thing: The Miami Dolphins receiver live-tweeted his own wedding.
According to Ochocinco, the nuptials took place on a tucked-away island location, which he threatened to swim away from at one point. (Different story for a different time.)
Here's the timeline (minus some riffraff), which he shot out to 3.5 million followers:
Live tweeting from my wedding... should be a first I'm assuming, music is playing, can't see my guest right now but they're here... ?#nervous- Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) July 4, 2012
Sidenote: Ochocinco wields a talent for inserting colorful language into his tweets. We'll edit that out on behalf of our nation's youth, but we won't judge. The man is a soon-to-be-hitched maze of energy and emotions:
"This is (expletive). I don't recall sending the butterflies in my stomach an invite," he wrote, "and why am I shaking like I'm in Alaska. ?? ? #mandown"
Big-picture questions begin to stream in:
What if @EvelynLozada is a runaway bride when I get out there and I'm stuck looking good all by myself... did I mention looking good?- Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) July 4, 2012
I'm breathing like a pregnant lady in lamaze class right now... I was hoping continuing to tweet with y'all support would calm me down- Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) July 4, 2012
We told you about Ochocinco's big-hearted, last-minute wedding invite to a fan, Cheryl Minton, whose husband passed away last month. We have this tweet from Minton late Tuesday:
@EvelynLozada I've been smiling all day. I'm very excited. Can't wait to see you get married. July 4th. would have been my 30th anniversary- Cheryl Minton (@cheryl2958) February 14, 2012
Ochocinco confirmed, minutes before the ceremony, that Minton was in the house:
I just got word that @cheryl2958 is here n comfy in her seat at the wedding, in other news I look good than a mofo right now,?#back2uBill- Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) July 4, 2012
Ochocinco also heard from an old friend:
Going through text messages, Marvin Lewis message is making me tear up a lil bit and I didn't even see the bride yet...- Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) July 4, 2012
Minutes before the ceremony, he tweeted this:
Here we go.... Proverbs 18:22... I love you guys... If I do it right the 1st time I won't have to do it again... Turn up...- Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) July 4, 2012
Directly after, Ochocinco updated his relationship status with an eye toward September:
I got my wife now it's time to get my game back... @CoachC_C turn up I'm on the way to LA... football season is the honeymoon..- Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) July 4, 2012
Our congratulations to the happy couple.