Last year, we had the lockout and its endless legal twists and turns. One year later, unfortunately, we have Fred Davis.
The Washington Redskins tight end is serving as his own lawyer in a civil suit that's stretched on for 18-plus months and pits Davis against a woman he knows from the nightclub scene, according to Luke Mullins of the Washingtonian.
Makini R. Chaka, 33, has described herself as a "celebrity broker" in court testimony. She says she organizes shindigs for singers, rappers and athletes (i.e. nobody reading/writing this). Stewart Prince, a former bodyguard for Davis, alleged in court documents that Chaka's job title hovers closer to "madam/pimpette."
Chaka's civil complaint against Davis alleges the player "dumped juice" on her head and "busted her lip" during his birthday party at a D.C. club, the magazine also reported. Chaka also accused the tight end of "assaulting, harassing and threatening to kill her."
"It's just all made up and flagellant," Davis said per court documents. He alleges Chaka is trying to extort money.
It gets stranger: Chaka, like Davis, is serving as her own lawyer. This has led to a surplus of outrageous courtroom back-and-forth between the two.
Why are these two serving as their own lawyers? Total mystery. Especially when Davis is set to earn $5.4 million from the 'Skins this season.
Court transcripts border on the surreal. Davis and Chaka go to war over the spilled drink, debate their relationship status and -- in one particularly dumb exchange -- fight over what type of cup Chaka is drinking from in a photo revealed to the court:
Davis: So, they use a pimp cup, that's all.
Chaka: Mr. Davis, I'm drinking out of a decorated accessory as many celebrities do.
Davis: Many celebrities as who, Magic Don Juan, that's a pimp?
Chaka: As Paris Hilton, as Snoop Dogg, as Little John -- I work with celebrities. Don't you think it could have been a gift from one of them?
Want more from these two hardened courtroom veterans? The case is scheduled to go to trial on March 11, 2013. Do your best to wait patiently.