File this under "Stories that Will Needlessly Infuriate Tedy Bruschi":
The Hopatcong (N.J.) Patch reported Monday that a local man told police he was the president, and that he was looking speak to Tim Tebow, before officers found him hiding under pillows and clothes in his mom's closet.
(Read that sentence again, then collect the fragments of your skull that just exploded everywhere.)
According to Patch (via Deadspin), police said Jason Slater, 28, called 911 three times late June 10, refusing to give the dispatcher information each time. He then called police headquarters with his presidential demands to speak with the backup quarterback for the New York Jets.
Police traced the call and were let into the residence by Slater's mother, a woman we imagine carries a rather heavy burden.
Slater was arrested and charged with making false public alarms and hindering his apprehension. Upon leaving the police station, he threw his citation on the ground and was cited for littering.
Do you see what you've done, Emmanuel Sanders?!