Gridiron Breakdown: Patriots vs. Spurs

Associated Press


The San Antonio Spurs have swept the Los Angeles Clippers and are the odds-on favorites to win the NBA title next month. A lot of pundits have already started to compare the team to the New England Patriots, in terms of a team that always wins.

I'm not sure the comparison is apt. Sure, both are consistent winners, but that is where the comparisons stop. Or is it? I will take these teams to the grid to see which is superior.

And without further ado …

Team: Patriots Spurs Give it to ...
City: Boston San Antonio Spurs. A lot of you are expecting this to be a chance for me to bash Boston, and I don't want to disappoint you. However, this is more a vote of confidence for the city of San Antonio, which is actually kind of cool.
Original Name: Boston Patriots Dallas Chaparrals Patriots. Loved the name Chaparrals, and the Patriots became more likable by dropping "Boston" in the same way Rebecca Romijn became more lovable when she dropped "Stamos." Though she's married to Jerry O'Connell now, so I don't know what my point is.
Color scheme: Red, white and blue Silver and black Patriots. There is only one true Silver and Black team in the world. And that's the L.A. Kings (just kidding, I still count purple as one of our colors). Oh yeah, and America!
Titles: Three Four Spurs
Most recent championship: 2004 2007 Spurs
Current face of the franchise: Tom Brady Tim Duncan Patriots
Former face of the franchise: John Hannah George Gervin Spurs
Celebrity wives:

Eva Longoria
Patriots. Longoria is divorced from Tony Parker.
Did any players ever date a Kardashian? Nope Nope Push


A coyote
Patriots. Seriously, shouldn't the Spurs have some sort of Davey Crockett-type dude running around?
Coach's demeanor after games: Sullen Morose Push
Do we root against them? Yes No Spurs
Do we not root against them because they are boring? No Yes Patriots. Normally, we should root against a team like Spurs because they always win. But yeah, nobody cares, because we all forget they exist. (Seriously, there was a time when I thought the Spurs and the Thunder were the same team. Well, not really.)
Annoying guy you can't stand: Rob Gronkowski Manu Ginobili Push
Knack for finding diamonds in the rough? Yes Yes Push. The Spurs have unearthed guys like Daniel Green, Kawhi Leonard and Tiago Splitter. The Patriots have had similar success with throwaways like Wes Welker. (Although we won't talk about Ochocinco.)
Never has to buy drinks in town again: Adam Vinatieri Robert Horry Patriots
Don't ever mention: David Tyree Derek Fisher Spurs
They have the undying love of: Bostonians. Anybody who hates LeBron James. In other words, the world. Spurs. We're all counting on you.
Did they cheat? Yes Yes Push. Really, did you forget the Spurs tanked an entire season to get Tim Duncan? In fact, that's worse than Spygate. Give this to the Patriots.


And the winner? Well look at this, the Patriots win, 8-7. Congratulations, New England. This is your first major victory in a while, so enjoy it.

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