Random acts of NFL player Twitter rage follow a distinct pattern:
1. Player A unleashes on Player B, totally out of the blue.
2. Player A fires back at hot-and-bothered Twitter followers. Then possibly rephrases/strengthens initial jab at Player A.
3. Time passes.
4. Player B (totally falling for it) shoots back at Player A.
5. Cooler heads (i.e team suits or hangers on tied to the players' incomes) huddle with both parties.
6. Apologies are tweeted.
7. Sun sets.
Despite the predictable flow of these outbursts, we couldn't help but watch with awe as Josh Scobee, the Jaguars' kicker, let the world know how he felt about diminutive Eagles wide receiver DeSean Jackson taunting the Giants on Sunday night.
It followed the pattern to a T:
1. Scobee went loud and proud: "Desean Jackson is a punk. #growuputinybastard."
("#tinydancer" would have been sensational, but we digress.)
2. Like clockwork, Scobee responds to tensed-up followers: "Relax people. He's just a punk, which to me means he doesn't respect anyone or anything around him. Therefore, I don't respect him."
3. Time passes, and then step 4.
"This man @joshscobee is Waaaaaaay outta LIne!!," DJax tweeted back. "Stick to ya Own business.. Mind ya own!! I don't respect what u sayin.. Lil Boi status."
Likely forced into this by nervous handlers (step 5), Scobee nails step 6 and apologizes for his antics: "Shouldn't have called Desean Jackson that. I used the wrong words to try and make my point."
We believe that we've located the root of Scobee's Twitter anger.
That's right, shortly before tweeting his amped-up review of DJax, Scobee furnished us with this: "Just enjoyed some deer burgers off the grill."
Maybe mix in a salad next time, big guy.
Step 7 can't happen soon enough.