|Hey, look, it's the ESPYs. Thankfully, I have my NCAA 12 from EA Sports to keep me company.|
They say that the day after the Major League Baseball All-Star Game is the slowest sports day of the year. And boy, are they right. The top story on NFL.com today -- the video of Tony Romo's wedding.
We should thank the U.S. women's soccer team for providing some quality entertainment in the semifinals of the World Cup on Wednesday, though that game started at 9 a.m. PDT this morning, which doesn't do us much good now.
ESPN has the right idea by coming up with an awards show to fill the void -- and to keep us from watching WNBA games. But the categories leave a lot to be desired. Best team? Best athlete? Boring. Give us some awards that we would really like to see. Thankfully, I am here to save you.
And without further ado ...
6. The Jim Mora Meltdown of the Year Award
Mora has entertained us for years with his rants shown at great length on TV highlights and beer commercials, so this award has to be named in his honor. And this year's winner is Cardinals QB Derek Anderson because, well, he takes this stuff seriously. His acceptance speech would be really good.
5. The Mr. T Damn That Is A Lot of Jewelry Award
This award goes to the NFL player who has the most gratuitous use of jewelry. And many of you probably think that Dez Bryant is the runaway winner. But no. This award goes to Brooke Daniels, who finally got around to returning Roy Williams' $76,000 engagement ring. But seriously, Roy, why were you sending that thing through the mail?
4. The Paris Hilton Why Are You Famous Award
Reggie Bush, Tim Tebow and Chad Ochocinco are all front-runners for this award. But all have had some level of success at some point. But Cortland Finnegan, what the hell were you doing picking a fight with Andre Johnson? Not only are you messing with one of the best wideouts in the league, you took out our fantasy receiver.
3. The Rich Kotite Coach of the Year Award
Sure, most of you immediately thought of Josh McDaniels. But what about the guy who replaced McDaniels in Denver? John Fox had a great season in 2003, but the rest of his Panthers' coaching career was marred in mediocrity. And he was rewarded with a huge contract? That makes sense.
2. The Jim Sorgi Life is Good for Backup Quarterbacks Award
Curtis Painter is in the running, seeing that he took over Sorgi's gig. Jon Kitna is getting some campaigning from Martellus Bennett. But the backup quarterback who really enjoyed life in 2010 was Caleb Hanie, who nearly pulled off the impossible when he replaced Jay Cutler in the NFC Championship Game.
1. The Ryan Leaf, Why Did We Waste a Draft Pick on You? Lifetime Disachievement Award
Congratulations must go to former Raiders QB JaMarcus Russell, who finally fulfilled the destiny that many expected of him when the Raiders cut bait on him prior to this season. I mean, they are practically going to redo the rookie wage scale because of Russell, so how can he not win this award?