Check out the Manning brother’s “Football Cop” trailer if you haven’t yet. I’m no Manning fan, but even I can enjoy the hilarity of that video. The best part is Eli Manning’s mustache. That clearly makes the whole video. Nothing says police brutality like that mustache. He should seriously consider that look full-time.
With that in mind, it seems prudent to count down the top six NFL police mustaches of all-time.
Also considered: Fred Biletnikoff
Many Raiders were contenders for this list, ironic because the Silver and Black have been known to bend the rules on occasion. At least back in the day when mustaches were fashionable. Biletnikoff has a solid mustache that anybody would be proud of.
Also considered: Ken Anderson
Anderson was clean shaven during his early years, but started rocking the 'stache in time for the Bengals' glorious run to their first Super Bowl. Coincidence? Hardly. That plain mustache beat the fully bearded Dan Fouts in the AFC Championship Game to go to the Super Bowl. The evidence is just too overwhelming your honor.
Also considered: Dave Wannstedt
Wannstedt actually looks like a police officer -- which is his downfall. I mean, what would happen if you wanted to send Wannstedt deep undercover? He would never survive because that glorious mustache would be a dead giveaway.
Also considered: Walter Payton
It is unclear if Payton earned the nickname "Sweetness" at Jackson State because of his smooth running style, or as an ironic nickname because of the punishment he handed out. Or was it because of this mustache? The hair and mustache are the perfect combination.
Also considered: Cliff Harris
Cowboys coach Tom Landry seemed like the kind of coach who wouldn't allow such upper-lip shenanigans. Maybe this is a testament to Landry's tolerance. Or maybe, like the rest of us, he just enjoyed an awesome mustache.
6. Todd Christensen
There were a number of great things that stood out about Christensen, the first being that he was a tight end who wore No. 46. Then there was the perm hairdo. But the mustache was one of the best in NFL history. The whole look is a thing of beauty. And a bit ironic that the Los Angeles Raiders had so many problems with troublemakers while their tight end looked like an LAPD recruitment poster.
5. Bubba Smith
The fledgling mustache you see here was no match to what it would later become. And did it look like a policeman's mustache? Hollywood certainly thought so because Smith was cast in the role of Cadet Moses Hightower in "Police Academy".
4. Mike Ditka
Watch Iron Mike blow up at the media and he looks like the quintessential screaming captain from those old-school police shows. He certainly looks more like a police chief than Archie Manning, who they cast in the "Football Cops" video.
3. Joe Namath
That's right. Most people remember Namath for being the clean-shaven, Super Bowl-win guaranteeing, pantyhose-pitching ladies man of the New York Jets. But he once rocked one of the coolest mustaches in NFL history.
2. Conrad Dobler
You might argue that Dobler looks more like a villain, rather than a man of the law. At least former Rams great Merlin Olsen would. But Dobler looks like one of those crooked sheriffs in one of those old-school Westerns. In fact, he would be perfect for it.
1. Ben Davidson
My favorite table at Batista's Hole in the Wall in Las Vegas is right under an autographed photo of Davidson, who signed it with, "great food, free wine, the only thing better could be _ _ _ ." My heart believes he was referencing "my awesome mustache" with those three blank spots. My head knows that he was really meant was "Al Davis' jumpsuit."